I’ve been trying to write this blog post for over a year now. I have jotted down half thought out ideas but never really sat down to ruminate over them.
Why has it taken me so long to get here?
I am of a generation with little to no attention spans. A generation constantly addicted to the rush of dopamine from every ping and vibration of our cell phones. Sitting down and writing something remotely meaningful requires the arduous task of focus. It requires dedicating myself to a set block of time to translate the garbage in my head into a coherent strings of words. It requires time to format, find photos, research relevant items, etc.
Who has time for that anymore? Who has time to sit down and read a novel? To have deep meaningful conversations with friends? To spend time doing nothing?
People wonder why I “exercise” as much as I do. In all honesty, I probably spend about 1 hour a day doing something. One hour where I leave my cell phone out of sight because it serves no purpose for me in that moment. It is probably the one hour of my day where I am forced to stew with my thoughts or the (weakness/strength) of my body – to focus on how much my core is shaking in megaformer, to focus on my alignment in yoga, and to focus on plummeting to my death in rock climbing.
I’m not even good at paying attention even then – my mind wanders, I have injured myself plenty, and I have fallen many times.
The secret is this: the moment you notice that you are no longer present is the moment that you become present.
Photo credit: Fernando took a photo of me taking a photo in Lapa, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil circa 2014. I had no cell service in Brazil (except for emergency purposes) so we were forced to plan how to get around, and then wing how to survive since we had no idea where we were going or what we were doing. Lack of cell phones meant we were forced to engage in marital small talk and live in the moment.
So I’ve fallen off the wagon in the last few months. While traipsing around the world (some for leisure, but some for work) sounds like magical fun, it comes with a lot of side effects. My sleep was disrupted in so many ways, I ate lots of unhealthy things to survive long meetings, and I pretty much reduced my exercise down to nothing.
And it shows.
I don’t meant to say that I got fat (because I didn’t.) But I got cranky, I got moody, I got sullen. The protective barrier that I put around myself after many years of yoga was taken down due to bad lifestyle choices. Most of the mental deterrents were no longer there and I found myself consumed by anxiety.
I started this new year stressed, unhappy and tired. [Someone once told me how you start your new year is pretty much going to set the tone for the rest of the year. Thankfully, I’m Chinese and I still have lunar new years to give it another shot.]
But I know that I am lucky in other ways. I am not complaining about the opportunities that I had during those last 4 months – I did get to see and do a lot of amazing things. I am lucky because I know that I can get back to the way things were. Exercising comes naturally to me. (I know, I know, I’m weird.) I’ve spent my entire life doing some sort of physical movement (mostly dancing and hiking) so it’s never been off for me to do something every day. I know that I have to start somewhere.
The first day back to yoga and I definitely could not stretch as far as I used to. First day back in megaformer and I felt weak. First day back at rock climbing and I was back at 5.9s. But I know what I am fully capable of. In a few months time (or even sooner) I can get back to where I was before. I know I’m lucky because my body will remember.
For those that are starting off, you have to start somewhere. I know some people who started exercising from ground zero, and now (a few years later) it’s so ingrained in who they are that they are (healthily) addicted to some physical movement. It’s a discipline that you build into your body and becomes a habit. Somewhat like brushing your teeth. Sometimes you really want it (especially when your teeth feel grimy or fuzzy). Sometimes it’s just routine. Sometimes you take it for granted… until you spend 1 week in the desert with no running water and can’t brush your teeth.
[Photo credit: Me! This was our second time riding a camel through the Sahara Desert. The first time was in Egypt near the pyramids. This time it was an hour long ride. Things are always different the second time – you’re a little more comfortable and you know what to expect.]
Well, it happened. I injured myself big time in yoga. I’m not quite sure exactly what happened, but I think it happened while I was doing ahandstand during a vinyasa. I was engaging my left oblique too much and I felt it snap/pop or something very unpleasant.
The next few days were unpleasant since I was dealing with post-nasal drip cough on top of the rib.
Cough + strained rib = lots of pain.
I went to see a doctor about the pain and she said that regardless of whether it was a strain or a fracture, the recovery process would be the same, although a strain might heal faster.
A week later I was feeling better and decided to play ping-pong at the company birthday party.
I cough. My rib popped even harder this time and I was left curled up in the fetal position since standing/walking and breathing was hard. You take for granted how often your core is engaged in simple activities (like walking, driving over speed bumps, lying in cough potato asana on the couch.)
Following day I spent on the couch in 1 of 2 positions that I could tolerate (slumping or lying on my injured side). Day 3 redux I attempted to walk in the mall at a slow motion pace before retiring to the couch.
A few takeaways I want you get from this:
I know a lot of people complain about being injured doing yoga, but people also get injured doing most sports (running, basketball, soccer), as well as everyday things (walking, climbing stairs, tying your shoes.) I wasn’t doing anything I haven’t done before I got injured. I hope injury doesn’t deter you from trying. Life isn’t fun in a bubble.
Taking it easy can be hard sometimes. I am surrounded by people who love exercise. My housemate tore his meniscus playing basketball and had it surgically repaired with a cadaver meniscus. It took a lot of willpower to keep himself from exercising (although, he did defy doctor’s orders and started early.) My husband sprained his MCL while kicking in soccer. He went back a little earlier than he should have and his knee remained sore and strained. I probably should not have played ping pong. (But, c’mon! It’s ping pong!) Some lessons are learned the hard way, but they will be learned.
Recovery is a lot like starting from scratch (but not really.) It starts with baby steps and knowing that you CAN get to the level where you were before. It’s slow. It requires dedication. It requires breaks, rest and recovery.
[Photo: Visvamitrasana on the shore of Reykjavik mid-March 2015. The sky was so beautiful there. I have been unable to do this pose since I strained my left oblique.]
My mom purchased my first yoga mat at a Marshall’s that came with a free yoga DVD. It was a blue, thin little thing from Bally’s Total Fitness that provided minimal padding – but that’s okay because I didn’t need anything special for Bikram Yoga. This was 12 years ago in 2003 when I decided to invest in my first Bikram class at BYSJ.
My second mat came when I walked to Funky Door Yoga (Berkeley, CA) for a Bikram class and realized I didn’t bring my mat. Since it was a nearly 20 minute walk from my college apartment, I decided to finally upgrade my mat to a pink Wai Lana mat with hibiscus flowers. (I think this was sometime in 2006.)
This mat held over until 2011 when I started vinyasa yoga. I started investing in many many many Manduka eQua towels for the slip and slide that inevitably developed on my sweat drenched mat. I spent too much money on towels and realized that I should actually invest in a good mat.
I then tried out the Jade Yoga mat (on a loan from a friend) and suffered the same slip and slide. Many of my friends lauded it for it’s grippy-ness, but I sweat like a fat pig in a sauna. Others told me to try the Manduka, but mentioned that the towels will still be needed for a slipper practice. I still have a Manduka Pro Light that I use at home for a non-sweaty practice + global travel.
But many of my teacher friends had The Mat from Lululemon. *Cue the angelic choir.*
The Mat has been my hot yoga practice savior. I own a few that I use on rotation (except for the one my dog pooped on. I’m not sure when I’m ready to bring that back into the fold.)
Why I like The Mat:
For most sweaty betty’s, it’s grippy enough to survive most hot vinyasa classes. [I know a few guys who still sweat more than me and require a towel. Just a few.]
There are multiple lengths and thicknesses. “The Big Mat” is available for the taller folk. “The 3 mm Mat” is for those who don’t require so much extra padding.
Excellent durability. I alternate mats only because I have to air them out after practice to dry out. I’ve had my pink one for over 3 years and it definitely has a lot more mileage left.
Things to note about The Mat:
It smells when you first buy it. Air it out for a long long long time and it will go away.
It’s a heavy mat. It doesn’t bother me at all, but just thought you should know.
Do not clean with oils (tea tree, lavender)! I scrub with soap and water and sometimes vinegar.
Buy a black or very dark mat. My pink one looks extra nasty and it’s hard to scrub the dirt marks out.
Air out after a sweaty class.
Photo: I almost always bring my Manduka ProLite mat with me on my global travels. My hotel had promised yoga class, but alas, there was none. Did yoga by myself on the balcony overlooking the water instead.
[Nobody endorsed me for this post. This is solely from personal experience. I really do sweat a lot – many of my teacher friends have noted that I sweat on par with many guys.]
At my last job, during one of my performance reviews, my manager said that I needed to learn to push back against people who ask me to do too much. He says I have a habit of trying to take on more than I should. I never thought that it was a bad thing to want to do more, but I’ve come to realize that it’s a fast track to burn out.
I have spent the 2014 saying “yes” to more (yoga) sub requests and social engagements than I probably should have. I was perpetually glued to my phone and overstimulated by social feeds, news and emails. Towards the end, I started to cringe at the thought doing things that I used to look forward to – just doing yoga, rock climbing with friends, talking with students/friends/people.
At the end of the 2014, I took a trip to South America – land of beautiful landscapes and crap Internet. With the lack of Internet, TV and many modern conveniences, I was forced to unplug and just enjoy being. Enjoy being in nature, biking in the moment, laughing at jokes and suffering through some uncomfortable situations (yes, even those are enjoyable.)
I’ve noticed since I’ve been back I have a lot more enthusiasm to do the things I was once dreading. I’m happy to talk to people again and be social.
In lieu of waiting for my future meltdown (insert references to many celebrity meltdowns), I’m going to spend the next year saying “no” a little more liberally.
What do you plan for the new year?
Photo: Playing with perception on the Uyuni Salt Flats in Bolivia. Quite literally blowing things off. Seemed suitable.
For Thanksgiving week, I was lucky to be able to work remotely in Taiwan so that I could spend time visiting family. However, I’m not as young as I used to be and jerking myself from one time zone to another extremely disparate one was a bit jarring for me.
I soldiered on. However, one night at my in-laws place, I slept on one of those contour pillows incorrectly (due to exhaustion, I passed on out it with the large contour digging into my shoulder blade. I woke up with such extreme pain in my neck and shoulder that I wasn’t able to move my head in any direction without tears coming out of my eyes (no joke.) My head felt like a bowling ball and tilting it in any direction made it weigh that much more. (Here’s an article talking about posture and how tilting your head puts nearly 60 pounds of pressure on your neck.)
Even though I brought my yoga mat abroad, I was unable to use it.
And then came the plane ride. Eleven excruciating hours with an immobile neck. Luckily my father-in-law provided me with some Toricam gel that I slathered on my neck that made things slightly more tolerable.
It took almost a week after I came back from my trip before I felt okay enough to do yoga.
And then I got a cold.
I am still suffering from the repercussions of the cold nearly a week later, which has progressed into a sinus infection. Somewhere between hourly sinus irrigation, pei pa koa, pseudoephedrine and copious amounts of rest, I’m slowly recovering.
What has this taught me? I think it was just a reminder to slow down. I had worn myself out to the point where I sleep in awkward positions and wear down my immune system.
It has been deeply frustrating not doing yoga, flipping around in aerial or even going for a simple walk (without being breathless.) Sunday was the first day I was able to take my dogs out for their usual stroll. Monday was a sorry attempt at yoga, but an attempt nonetheless… and I was happy. Happy to just be doing something even if it didn’t look that great. Happy and grateful that my body was able to recover and I could do some semblance of movement.
So this week I’ve been going along with the theme that sometimes we need to slow down and appreciate where we are. Don’t take for granted the things we are capable of doing until it’s gone (or temporarily absent.)
Photo is of Mount QiXing. No exotic yoga photo this post since I was relegated to no yoga on this trip.
Last week I slept with my contacts on for a night and gave myself an eye infection. Woe is me. Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time that I got one. Two years ago I got one for wearing my contacts on a plane after staying up almost all night for a wedding in Chicago.
So now I have to spend 2 weeks wearing my ultra-thick glasses. How thick are they? -750 thick. To put this in perspective, to be considered legally blind, you have to see greater than -1000 with glasses on. I can’t wear glasses during yoga because they constantly slip off and fog during a warm vinyasa class. This means I see -750 in class.
Last time this happened, I spent most of the class flopping and struggling to balance. I spent so much time being self conscious about how unstable I was, not just in balancing poses, but in simple things like knowing where to put my hands and feet in dog dog. I had become so dependent on the visual cues of my physical practice that I hadn’t quite built the intuition to listen to what feels right for me.
This time around however, after a few more years of yoga + teaching students to do yoga with their eyes closed + learning to trust myself more while rock climbing, I find blind-ish yoga strangely awesome. I can’t look around class at all. I’m fairly certain I was doing something different sometimes because teachers would mis-cue poses or mis-name poses, but it didn’t matter. My balance felt great because I trusted my feet, my core, my stability. Dancer’s pose, handstands, downdog all felt natural.
If you’ve never done this before, put on a blind fold or take out your contacts for class – it will change your perception. Maybe you will doubt yourself at first, but you’ll build on it over time. Fall a few times or fall a lot. Get up, brush yourself off and try. Trust yourself or learn to build the trust.
[FYI, someone in class asked what cankles were, which caused an outbreak of laughter, toppling over a few students. I apologize for those who may have fallen from laughter.]
I won’t go into a speech about the benefits or contraindications for inversions because I’m not a doctor. Plus you can probably find better articles written online. I just find them fun + it channels my inner kid who wants to run around doing cartwheels. 🙂 Isn’t that a good enough reason?
[Sorry for the grainy photo – apparently we don’t like to take photos together. But when we did, he happened to be dressed up like SpiderMan while teaching class.]
When I first started working on my handstands, Wayne offered a lot of (well-meaning) advice to me involving bent elbows and pressing up. Alas, when I bent my elbows, they never straightened back up again.
After I met the lovely Grace Yu, I learned a lot more tips that benefited me because she was more able to relate to the struggles I was having with handstands. I was excited and I decided to share with my friends (including Wayne) what I learned. The tips did not resonate with Wayne (who does not have my open hamstrings.)
The lesson in all this is that we all have very different bodies. Despite being much taller than me (sorry Wayne, I forgot how tall you are, but I know you’re taller than me), I have a longer torso than he does. He has broader shoulders and a narrow waist. I have skinny arms and a very low center of gravity. All of these physical characteristics means that we have found very different methods to approach the same thing.
Thus, Wayne and I have banded together to create an arm balance and inversion workshop to cater to all body types. We will start with a brief anatomy discussion, a warm up class and then we’ll work our way through foundational arm balances (such as bakasana/crow), and foundational inversions (namely sirsasana/headstand.)
Wayne is excellent at breaking down the most complex of poses (except for that handstand fail) in such a way that they are a lot less intimidating. Hopefully I can help bring some inspiration to those who worry that they aren’t strong enough (yet) to get to where they hope to me. It’s all about attitude and patience. 🙂
There will be a foundations workshop “Get Your Wings” on 10/18/2014 from 12:30PM-3:30PM at Y@C’s El Camino location.
Advanced workshop “Let’s Soar” will be the following week 10/25/2014 from 12:30PM-3:30PM at Y@C’s El Camino location.
$45 Pre-registration by 10/18 -OR- $54 Drop in after 10/18
$70 Pre registration by 10/11 for BOTH “Get Your Wings” AND “Let’s Soar” Workshops
To sign up for the arm balance workshop [click here]!
It was a short-lived co-teaching summer romance (not unlike my other short-lived co-teaching spring romance with Linh). Why do my co-teachers keep running away?
Co-teaching started when Linh took my class and realized that I wasn’t being myself when I teach. Normally I crack lame jokes (and laugh at myself) and have a goofy-fun time in class and with my friends. At some point I became a robot – stoically teaching each class. I’m not sure why it happened.
When Linh joined, I started to open up to my students more (I’m actually a very private person, so this is a big deal) and in the process, I became more comfortable and had more fun.
Diane started off as my very first personal mentee. During her teacher training at Yoga @ Cindy’s, she was given the opportunity to select a teacher who she wanted to shadow and learn from and she picked me! (I had mentored others in the past, but they were assigned to me, so I’m not sure if they really wanted to be with me at all. :P) It was easy to mentor Diane because she always asks questions and is open to constructive advice.
I’m glad to have had a my fun co-teachers – their energy and attitudes made class a lot more fun to teach, and I feel like the students felt like it was a lot more fun to take. I was able to create more of a community with a little help from my friends.
Our last class together will be August 27, 2014. Afterwards… who knows. Maybe I’ll bring them back if I turn into an automaton again.